I'm In Love...

...with my new Ipod! I got it for my birthday (thanks parents) and am loving it. It is an 80GB and has a super cool pink case (thanks Jeremy). I am far from knowing everything about it and don't even have all my music on there yet but it is a work in progress. To commemorate this memorable time in my life, where for at least another month or two (I hope) I am actually up with technology, I decided to write a song.

Here I sit, jammin' to my ipod
Dancing along to the tune in my head.
People might stare and I might look odd
But I think they are just misled.

I love the pink case, it looks really cool
The way it fits in my hand is perfect.
Gracias to the padres, you definitely rule
It will be great for travel, correct?

Music, movies, photos and more
This neat gadget holds them all.
I can listen in the car, house, or even the store
I just hope I dont trip and fall.

Also thanks to my mom for my new rhyming dictionary to help me with my booming career in song writing!!

Counting Down

There is something really fun for me about counting down to an exciting event. I have been doing it for many years now and have counted down for Harry Potter books and movies, winter and summer breaks in school, Lord of the Rings movies, birthdays, and graduations. My newest count down is two things wrapped into one. From today I have one month left at my job and one month and a day before I leave for an exciting South American adventure. Woo Hoo!!

What's weird is that as excited as I am about these things I am also scared to death. I am scared of leaving my job because I don't have another one yet and I have no idea what kind of money I will be making to live on. I am scared of our trip to South America because it is such a huge commitment for me and I know what it is preparing me for.

I desire with all my heart to do ministry in S. America but it is so scary to think of leaving awesome Colorado, my amazing family and friends, and the comfort of the US. But what is even scarier is thinking of what it would mean if I didnt go, knowing that God has called me to it. I dont want to be Moses, I want to be Isaiah. I dont want to say "Lord please, send anyone else" but "Here I am Lord, send me."

Not exactly where I meant to go with the topic of counting down, but here are a few other things I am counting down till:

1. Lost: 4 more episodes till the season finale
2. Harry Potter movie: 79 days
3. Last Harry Potter book: 87 days
4. I go home again: 18 days
5. Done with PT: 8 weeks
6. Summer: 2 months

Growing Up

Today is my 23rd birthday. Twenty three years ago on this day my wonderful mother gave birth to me and brought me into this world. For some reason birthdays are always a time for reflection to look back and see where I have come from and what has happened since last year.

A lot has happened, like college graduation, moving to Colorado, staying in Colorado, getting my first "real job", learning to ski, tearing my ACL, Christmas family cruise, ACL surgery and still in recovery, learning campus ministry, and just recently quitting my job for the unknown. This has been an crazy year full of huge blessings, amazing lessons and a few tears here and there. I have left friends and family and have made so many great new friends also (not to replace the old ones of course).

Birthdays have always been a lot of fun in my life. I cannot remember a bad one. As a child I had countless sleep overs, with cookie cakes, games, movies, truth or dare, cinnamon rolls and the always popular "throw water balloons at my dad on the swing. One year in Oklahoma was spent in horror and tears after the Oklahoma City bombing on April 19, 1995. I have shared my birthday with my six days older than me best friend Ashley, played football, danced at prom, celebrated Easter, witnessed Columbine, and sped through Montevideo in order to not miss curfew after eating at the one Mexican food restaurant in the city.

Many birthdays were spend camping with the Smiths and traveling to Oklahoma for Easter/Birthday time with my family. Last year I sat around a table with my mission teammates as we decided to postpone our survey trip and now I am probably going to buy my plane ticket today for that same trip (but to different places). I was surprised (by Lauren, the queen of surprising me) that weekend by a visit from Ash and Ryan from Harding and we had a super fun, relaxing, silly weekend.

Even though I am "a grown up adult" and birthdays are a little different from when I was 10, they are still a time for fun, family and friends and that is what I try to fill them with. Living far from home makes that a little hard, and I expect this year to be different but still fun with friends. I will report on that after this weekend.

Risser

In honor of my best friend's sister having her first baby today I decided to write a song for her and the baby. This is for you Risser!

You have been in there for nine months now
Oh sweet little baby Lucas.
It is time for you to come out kid
So we can stop calling you squid.

Risser and Eric will be great parents
None of us doubt that.
You can scream and poop and throw up on them
But they will never leave you, not even on a whim.

Welcome to the world you tiny thing
I might even like you, since our birthdays are close.
Its time baby Lucas, so help your mom out
Don't worry if she screams, it's normal for her to shout.

Positive Attitude

Sometimes I get down and sad

And little things make me cry and mad.

I hate to not be cheery

Being negative makes me weary.

I try to focus on the blessings around me

Knowing it could be worse is the key.

I sing this song about my attitude

Being positive helps me not be rude.

My life could be worse than job problems and stress

This helps me worry less and less.

Insurance sucks but at least I have it

If not I would be in a big debt pit.

God takes care, and he will not forget

He watches while I stand and while I sit.

I love my life, my friends, the unknown

I have worries but I am not alone.

The Lord Is A Warrior

Sunday night is called Hang Out for the teens I work with. We usually do something fun so that they can bring their friends to something non-threatening and non-churchy. Last night we met at Starbucks and all hung out for a little bit and then went back to the church to work on the upcoming Family Night that the teens are in charge of.

On the way back, most of us were in the bus but there were 2 cars with kids in them and they went up a different way than us. The car in front saw a shoe on the side of the road so they stopped to pick it up and threw it at the car behind them (they like to throw stuff out of moving cars, I know). There was a truck behind the second car and when this happened he sped past them and pulled up beside the first car and pointed a gun at the driver. When the first car saw this he slammed on his breaks and so did the second car. The man got out of his truck and started towards them and they both sped off and got inside the church quickly.

After they got inside we pulled up in the bus, not knowing what had happened but the truck was in our parking lot. Rob told me to get the kids inside and he went to talk to the dude. The truck dude said he was a cop and some kids were being stupid so he wanted to report them. Rob said it was fine for the cops to come up and they could talk about it and the guy drove off. Rob saw the gun in the car. After all of those involved talked they decided that the guy really wasn't a cop (what kind of cop would point a gun at kids being stupid?) and they called the cops.

The police came up to the church and got exact descriptions of everything that happened from each of the kids, and drove some of them to identify a car that turned out not to be him. As far as we know they never got the guy, but the cops did agree that the truck guy was not one of them.

We finished our night like we were supposed to, and explained everything to the parents and ended the night singing The Lord Is A Warrior. Rob made it very clear to the kids that it was not a coincidence that nothing really bad happened and that God was protecting us. As scary as it was, it could have been so much worse and now it is just a good story to tell.

GFENCE

Last night Randi, Jeremy and I went and saw the Colorado Mammoth's play professional lacrosse. Now maybe it is just because I grew up in Texas where the only sport that really matters is football, but I had never even heard of professional lacrosse. I knew what the sport was but not much else and the same with Randi and Jeremy. We just thought it would be fun and I love going to any sporting even live.

A few weeks back Randi and I had tried to go to the game without tickets and got there and the game sold out. We were shocked! "Who watches lacrosse" we kept saying! Finally someone told us that last year they were the champions and this year the were like 9-1 so they were really good and popular to see. So anyways, this time we purchased tickets ahead of time and actually got to go inside! We were in the nose bleed section but still could see great.

As we were walking to our seats there was a family holding up the letters "GFENCE" and we asked them what it meant. They kept saying "Gee Nash, Defence, you know." We told them it was our first game and they told us he was a really good player (the goalie actually). We found our seats and started reading up on "Lacrosse 101" in the program they handed out. The pre-game thing was pretty cool and everyone was so excited and pumped to be there! Who knew there were so many lacrosse fans!

The game started and it was really fun to watch. It was super fast paced and pretty action packed but probably not as violent as hockey. They did have body checks, slamming each other into the walls and hitting each other with sticks. So funny! And whenever the other team would get sent to the penalty box everyone would yell "GET IN THE BOX" and then they would start a Power Play because the other team was a man down.

Around the Pepsi Center there were cheerleaders, girls sitting in a hot tub, a Mammoth, things falling from the ceiling and t-shirts shot into the crowd. They had loud music blaring and competitions during the break. So exciting and fun. I think the final score was 13-12 and it was close most of the game except at the beginning when we seriously thought they were going to kill the other team. It really was a great game and makes me want to learn to play the sport.

The end of our evening was a little intense though. We met at McDonalds about a mile from the stadium and parked there because it was free, despite the "Private Parking- towed at owners expense" signs everywhere. We did it anyways and quite a few times during the game I got a little sick feeling in my stomach thinking what would happen if it got towed. As we got closer to McDonalds I seriously thought my car was gone because whatever was parked in that area was white and not red. My knees felt weak and I could feel the adrenaline pumping. I was preparing for a LONG night of having no idea what to do and spending way more money than parking would have cost. But then Randi saw her car and as we got closer we saw that my car was there too and it just looked funny in the light. I was SO relieved! We decided to repay McDonalds for not towing our cars and went in and got some ice cream for the way home.

The moral of the story is professional lacrosse is super fun, but free parking is not always worth it.

Lost and Ice Cream...

...makes it all better. I have had kinda a rough week and the milkshake Randi and I got last night after an amazing episode of Lost made me feel better. Why is that? Is it a girl thing? I really don't know and don't care as long as it works!

I am usually a very positive, cheerful, stress-free person so it is hard for me when so many things get to me that I cannot be like that or I have to fake it. I hate faking it! Tuesday of this week I put in my two month notice at my job (contract required 2 months) and this was not easy. It has been a good job, especially for my first "real job", and they have been so good too me with my surgery and stuff. So I felt pretty guilty for leaving them but I also know that sometimes I have to take care of myself. I am trying to be faithful to God and step out blindly to make myself more available for him to use me in ministry. But just because I know it is what God wants me to do, does not make it easier. The unknown is scary.

I tried to quit on Monday but my boss left early, so that left me with another night to not sleep well as I worried about the next day. I let her know on Tuesday and all I could do was hand her my resignation letter, sit down, and cry a little. She said she was surprised but understood and was glad I was following my heart and pursuing what I really wanted to do with my life. Wow! I did not expect her to be so understanding. But to add to the mess I had a hard time that day getting into the physical therapy schedule which I still really need and this made me cry too. That night I went to bible study, burned the dinner, broke the Bible box, and did not get the cookies I was hoping for. None of it was too big of a deal, but all piled on top of this job stuff it was not a good day.

Wednesday I was hoping would be a better day, but it was kinda stressful at work telling everyone else that I was leaving, and having my boss tell me I pretty much messed up her summer vacation by choosing the date I did for leaving. Great! After work I had physical therapy and they chose this day to start pushing me harder and I seriously had to hold back my tears to keep from crying in front of everyone when I could not do something. Luckily my sweet therapist squeezed me into the schedule where the other girl could not. They are so great! After PT I drove to Sonic to get a little dinner, thinking I had plenty of time before church started. They took FOREVER to get my food out and then they had it wrong and I think I paid more than I should have but I was in such a hurry that I just had to leave. I really was looking forward to my large Dr. Pepper! On the way to the house for church I took the wrong road and went way out of the way and by the time I got there I was so upset I could hardly keep from crying as we sang.

Now I don't mind being honest with the teens about what is going on with me and I don't want them to think my life is always happy, but life groups was not the place to let all of that spill out. I went to the bathroom to calm myself down and came back and just closed my eyes and prayed for peace because I knew this was not the time or place for the kids to be asking what was wrong. The next thing Rob said was, "whenever you think you are having a bad day just read Job, now that was a bad day!" He continued to tell the story of Job (awesome story) and God calmed me down. Life groups went great and I got out in time to get home to watch Lost with Randi .

But when I walked into the house I saw that my roommates watching a movie. I did not want to disturb them so knowing Randi was only moments away I went to the bathroom and called her and told her we could not watch. So I met her outside to go get ice cream instead. She could tell I was really upset but I guess my roommates could too. Tamera called me and said "were you and Randi going to watch Lost?" I told her yes and she insisted that we come back. I guess I should have just asked but I was not in the mood and I think they could tell. They are the best. I know it sounds silly but it was just one more thing gone wrong in my day that on any other week would not have been that big of a deal.

So Randi and I watched Lost and as usual it was AMAZING!!! We just sat there with our mouths open as we watched the ending and could not believe it! So good! Afterwards I knew I would not be falling asleep any time soon so we went and got milkshakes from McDonald's and chatted cheerfully about Lost and other things. So seriously, Lost and ice cream made everything better.

Again, I am sure that these things sound way too dumb to get upset about and I know that in the big picture everything will be OK, but this has been a hard week. I keep telling myself not to be an Israelite and trust God and remember how faithful he has been to me in the past. So I am walking blindly into all of this but I know that God will provide. I mean he takes care of the grass and the birds, why would he not take care of me right?

Day Three

I have been thinking the past few days about Easter and what all of it means to me as a follower of Christ. Growing up in the Church of Christ we have never focused much on the religious holidays because we want to celebrate the birth of Christ and his death and resurrection every Sunday, not just once a year. But I think there is also something special about know that there are millions of Christians around the world celebrating the same thing as me on the same day. So, to try and prepare myself for Easter Sunday I decided to read a few versions of the "Easter Story."

First I read Matthew and I really tried to focus on the words and what it must have been like for everyone involved. When I was finished I did not feel like it impacted me enough. I know people who every time they read the story of the death of Christ they cry. What does it not do that to me? So while I read the story in Mark I tried to think about what it would be like to read and believe this story for the first time. That still did not do much for me because it is hard to forget that I know the story so well, although I did find a few interesting things that I have never read before.
I continued to think about the story of Christ's death and resurrection and how to make it more real to me. The best thing I found was to think of it as if it were happening to me now and instead of Jesus, it was my best friend who sacrificed herself for my life.

How would I have felt seeing her betrayed by one of our other friends? How would I have reacted to her being beaten and mocked? What would I have experienced seeing her hung on a cross in so much pain, knowing that it should be me up there? What would the day after her death be like? Would I cry? Scream? Be angry or depressed? What an awful day!! I probably would have spent time with my family and hers trying to remember the good things about her and grieving. Woah, now that is real.

But the best thought to me would be, what if I went to take care of her body the third day and found her alive? Would I believe it? How would I rejoice? Would I tell others for fear of them thinking I was crazy? I think no matter what happened I would not be able to contain my happiness and I would praise God for a miracle. It would change my life.

But this is not a what if situation. It really did happen. And as hard as it is for me to feel like it is real when I read the Bible (I am much more visual) and even though I might not cry when I hear the story, it is real and it still effects us today. Jesus died on that cross in my place and even more importantly he came back to life. That is something to rejoice and praise God for. I sing praises to God on this Easter Sunday and every day following because Christ rose from the dead and has freed me from that death.

What should knowing this do to my life? Well first, knowing that someone sacrificed their life for me gives my life so much meaning and makes me want to live the best life possible so that their death was not in vain. Second, if someone dies for me it shows their absolute love for my life and I want to understand a love like that. The only way that I know how to understand that, is to get to know God more and to practice that love for other people. I might never love others as much as God loves the world, but I can sure try.

Hopeless

I go to physical therapy 2-3 times a week for about and hour and a half. I really actually enjoy going because it feels good and I know it is making me better. I also really like the people who work there. They are great to talk to and just make therapy a lot more fun. Also, there are two pretty cute guys that work there and usually help me through my exercises. Too bad I am completely hopeless when it comes to flirting or being witty or funny or anything that could possibly be attractive.

They are both nice guys and pretty easy to talk to, but it seems like whenever they come around all I can think to do is smile stupidly at them (ring a bell Lauren?). One of them is a little awkward in the things he says to me, but at least he says something. Now it is not like I have ever been the best flirt, but I seriously don't know what my problem is. Saying anything when they walk by would be better than quickly looking down or pasting a goofy smile on my face.

I told the kids at youth group last night that all I could do was smile and blush at these guys and they just thought it was so funny. It's real encouraging when the girl sitting across from me is showing me how she can eat a whole frosty without a spoon, while telling me about the cute guy who asked her to prom. I'LL NEVER GET A MAN!!! : )

A few times I have had a good conversation with them, but that usually involves them doing most of the talking and me trying to think of what to say or ask next. I was a tiny bit proud yesterday because I asked both of them if they knew anyone who needed a roommate because I am looking for me and a friend of mine. This came out of my mouth with little problem, but it was probably because I had been prepping for it for like two days.

Maybe I am just super out of practice, because even though I live in supposedly one of the most single cities in the US, I seem to hang out with a lot of couples. I have been used to being at a school with lots of people around to talk to and go back and forth with, but I am loosing what little ability I ever had. I seriously think if God ever wants me to get married he has got some serious work to do. He is gunna have to search pretty hard to find a guy that likes me, that I actually like him back enough and he also wants to do mission work. I definitely don't know many of those! Now I don't really see any future with the cute PT guys, but I seriously can do better than this!

Favorite Things

"These are a few of my favorite things" that make me really happy!

1. ice cream
2. laughing really hard
3. smell of rain
4. football
5. texas friends
6. night hiking
7. lisps
8. stars
9. movies
10. new socks
11. snuging
12. singing at church
13. skiing : (
14. internationals
15. rolling the car windows down
16. live sporting events
17. baking cookies
18. talking about "lost"
19. poofy vests
20. memories
21. surprises
22. cafe con leche
23. spanish
24. quoting "friends"
25. smell of cold, clean air
26. silence in nature
27. getting excited about colorado
28. seasons
29. harry potter
30. crushes
31. dreaming about the future
32. realizing God did something really cool

Roommate Needed

I know this is a long shot but, does anyone know anyone who needs a roommate in the Denver/Golden, Colorado area? One of my roommates is moving out in about a month and we really need someone to take her place. We are great roommates, have a great house and we arent too picky. Also, if you know a guy who needs a roommate my friend Jeremy (see his blog under Blogs I Read) needs somewhere to live or someone to live with in the next month also. So, let me know! Thanks!!