I have been going to a new church for a while now that even though I have not gotten super involved yet I really like it. It is probably the smallest church I have ever attended. They do not have membership but I would say each Sunday we might have 75 people at the most. We meet in the evenings and I love the worship and the preaching and the intimacy that comes with a small church.

It is my fault that I am not real involved or getting to know people well because all I do is show up on Sunday nights and then leave after church. It is a great experience for me though to make myself go to a new church were I know few people because it helps me see what visitors see and how hard it can be to go alone. Part of me wants to sit back and say that people need to come up and meet me, but really I know that I need to make the effort too and I hope that happens this summer.

I have very limited experience to make this claim since I have not been in other people's shoes but I think being single, especially being a single girl, might be one of the loneliest and difficult people groups to fall into in the church. I do not blame anyone for this, we just seemed to get looked over. I say girl because on the surface there seems to be less for me to do to get involved. If I were a dude I could do the Lord's Supper or lead a prayer or whatever was needed. Being a girl if I volunteer with anything I am afraid I would get stuck with the kids. I think kids are fine but that is totally not where my gifts are.

So I make myself go to church each week and I usually sit alone with no one I know and I am encouraged by the service but have yet to make many connections. When there is a new couple at church people are interested to meet them and get to know them because couples know what to do with other couples. But what do we do with the single girl? A few people talk to me but I just feel like an alien or like I am wearing a big flashing neon sign that says "hey look I am single and strange!" I cant put my finger on what it is, but it does not feel good.

So if I do not think it feels good then what do single people feel like if they visit a church and they are not Christians or do not have the confidence (or guilt) to keep going even when they do not feel welcome. Are we (the church in general) driving away the single people? How can we be more welcoming?

This happens in large churches just as much or more than small ones. I was going to a larger church to begin with and I felt even more alien. I did not fit with the college kids but did not want to go to the singles class that is full of other aliens! I just wanted to be normal and just be a person. Not a college kid, not a single, not a young professional and not an alien! So I moved to a smaller church and it is somewhat better and I think it totally will be over time but I just hate going alone. It is so much more comfortable to walk into a church with someone else by your side than alone and when you get in you stand at the back trying to decide where to sit and you feel like everyone knows you are the single girl but they do not know what to say to you so they just don't! I am probably exaggerating my feelings some and playing off of the idea that we always think people are thinking way more about us than they are, but whether or not it is true it feels that way and that is not a welcoming feeling. Not to me and not to a visitor.

I have no idea where I am going with this but I hope that if I ever manage to get married that I can remember how it feels to be the alien and try and make others not feel that way. And maybe God wants me to be a single missionary so I can not just be a couple reaching out to the singles but actually be one of them. But I am afraid to think that because I do not want to be the alone alien forever.

(NOTE: I like to go back and read my blogs a day after I write them to make sure I didn't say anything stupid, but this one seems really depressing. I did not mean for it to sound that way. I mean I guess it is not really a joyful topic but I am not depressed or think I am a loser because I am single, I just do not find the church gives much encouragement to singles and I don't want it to be like that. That's all I was going for. Not depressing.)