I don't like being unhappy and I don't like writing gloomy blogs. Funny ones are much more entertaining to read. But right now I am feeling sad and gloomy and I need to write it out.

I said a few blogs back that my grandpa is sick and not doing good. He had surgery and has recovered fine from that but he wont eat and he wont get up. He is not right in his mind and can only think about what he wants right now. They moved him to a nursing home yesterday and he spent his first night alone in years. That makes me so sad. During the night he got out of bed to go to the bathroom and ripped out his catheter. Ouch! None of us really know how long this could go on but if he is not going to get better I hope it is not long.

We have talked about it and he is like 84 years old, has led a really good life with lots of fun and love and hardly any health problems. If it is time for him to die then it is ok, but it is just sad for the rest of us here. I know God can heal him, but I don't know if he will.

The hardest part about all of this for me is that I wish I could be with my mom as she is dealing with all of this. She is so sad and worried and doesn't know what to do. For the past few weeks she has been staying up all night with him to make sure he doesn't do anything he shouldn't. Then she sits all day with nothing to do but watch him more. She isn't hungry and cant eat around him anyways.

I just want to be able to sit with her and my grandma and listen to them and hug them when they cry and help out. I want to bring them food and let them go home and rest and me sit there with him. I want to sit with my mom in our blue chair and talk about what she should do. But I cant because I am so far away. All I can do from here is think and pray and talk to my mom on the phone. I want to go home.

Please pray for my family.