Dividend!!!!!!

It's that time of year again!! REI Dividend time!! For those of you who do not know about the great store that is REI it is an amazing outdoor store that has just about anything outdoorsy you could ever want. And when you become a member, each spring you get back 10% of everything you buy. This is the REI dividend. So I got an email about it on Tuesday and I have already spent mine! I'm not super materialistic I promise! I just love spending free money!

So what did I buy with my money? A new vest! An REI vest! I love vests. They are my new thing. For anyone who sees me regularly you probably see me wear my pink poofy vest very often. I have a couple of other vests but thought it was time to invest in a black one. You know, so it can go with everything. I really don't know if vests are cute or in style (probably not if I am into them) but they are super practical. They keep your core body warm w/o covering up all of the rest of your clothing. Plus once it gets warmer you don't get as hot as you would if you were wearing a full out jacket. Can't get much better than a vest!

I bought the vest online and am having it shipped to the REI in Denver. Why Denver? Because shipping to a store is free AND I will be there in a couple of weeks for my spring break. I am sooo excited to go back and visit and see the beautiful state and amazing people I left...and pick up my new vest. Yea! I think I feel a song coming on....

Welcome Back

Living conditions in Colorado were not always the greatest. No matter what time of year there was always a possibility of snow which meant bad driving conditions. When hiking, skiing or driving in the mts. there was always the chance of an avalanche. Sometimes the wind was so strong it could blow you off the road and being outside anywhere you always had to be on the look out for mt. lions or bears. But there was one thing in Colorado I hardly ever worried about. Bugs!

There were a couple of weeks during the summer that my house was infested with spiders (awful weeks in my life) but other than that bugs were not an issue. But Texas is different. Texas has bugs. I was reminded of this little truth last night.

I was in the shower and did not have my contacts in. I looked down and saw a dark spot. So I leaned closer and guess what I saw. A BUG! Now I know it seems silly and this is something I do not like about myself but I HATE bugs and I cant kill them. Not because I feel sorry for them but because it is too scary. Stupid I know. So, I hurried through my shower, too afraid to kill it for fear of it jumping on me and me not seeing it because of my lack of vision at the moment. I made it safely through the shower and washed it down the drain when I was done. Back to a bug free and fear free life right?

WRONG! Because of that little bug, every time I thought about it I had the sensation that little things were crawling all over me. Yuck! And as I went to bed I laid down and had a flash back from this summer when I woke up and there was a spider right about my head on the wall. So I had to get up and turn the light on and check my room for bugs. So it begins!!!!

Yesterday was a warm day and warm days bring out the bugs for some reason. I discussed my problem with my roommate. She luckily is not as afraid as me but we both cringed at the thought of roaches. Colorado did not have roaches. Texas has roaches. While my biggest fear is spiders, roaches are just awful. They are huge and scurry all over the place. They get anywhere, even in your food and no matter how clean your house is there is nothing you can do about them. I cant step on them because you feel and hear them crunch and it makes me want to throw up. I need to go to the store and buy some roach killer spray and be prepared for what is to come.

I have never been in Abilene for the summer time but now I am nervous. I am not ready to be married but man a husband would be nice in these situations.

Super Fun Weekend

This weekend was the weekend of the BFF! Meaning? My best friend Lauren drove in from Fort Worth to hang out with me. I am soooooooooo lucky! And we had soooooooooo much fun. The weekend began Thursday night with LOST/Poker Night with some of my new GST (Grad school of Theology- the program I am in) friends. We had not watched LOST together in FOREVER so that was awesome and the episode was awesome. Then we enjoyed the company of some of my new friends and I was just so blessed by that time. I have no idea if any of them read this blog but they don't even know how wonderful it felt to be included in their hang out times. I have been feeling lonely and out of place but that evening helped a lot and I cannot wait to get to know them even better. So thanks to them! Lauren also loved it because she is a youth minister and rarely gets to hang out with people her age.

Friday we slept in, hung around the house watching 24 and Friends, did some ACU errands and then went to the matine showing of Vantage Point. The movie was great for many reasons. It was exciting, Matthew Fox, it was fast paced, Matthew Fox, it was unusually made and....oh yea Matthew Fox was in it. Ha! I am not sure the rest of the audience enjoyed the unusualness but we did! Then we had an exciting trip to the grocery store and back home to jump on the trampoline and watch some more Friends.

Saturday we slept in again, hung around the house again, made a Sonic run and took fun pictures outside because it was a B-E-A-utiful day! We made some yummy dinner for my mission team meeting and she got to meet about half the team. Then she left to go home and we got to have a fun little meeting to discuss our next survey trip (CANT WAIT!!!) and other smaller issues. It was a super weekend that we both really needed! Check out some silly pictures below.

Here we are sporting our AWESOME new ACU sweat pants!

Above: BFF Lauren super gymnist!

Below: Silly Dee trying to fly!

Another M. Night!!!!

I love this guy's movies!!! It will be a good summer to be stuck in Abilene with all these good movies coming out. The newest Narnia will be coming too. Hooray!

Butterflies In My Tummy

I hate speaking in front of people. I am not good at it and it makes me so nervous. I have been reminded of this over the past few days. Tuesday I had to read a paper I had written in front of our class and I was a mess. I will not go into details but it has not been a fun week. Then, in my class today a few people got up and presented on their research papers and I got hot, my breathing sped up, I had butterflies and got nervous just watching them, knowing I was coming up soon. What is wrong with me! Probably when I go I will write down every word I am going to say and just read it. I am sure the class will be bored to tears but it is not for a grade so I don't really care.

I am somewhat out of practice of public speaking and that does not help. When I was in high school and college I put my self in positions to do this kind of stuff so that I could get better. I never got over the fear but I did get better. But now it has been so long, that the fear is back. I have done some Bible studies in the past year but even that made me nervous. And even if my information is good during these times my presentation is boring. Bleh!

Whats funny is I don't really even like telling a story in front of a group of my friends. I am fine with one or two, but more than that and even if the story is funny, my telling is not. I fumble my words, forget what comes next and go through it so fast that I miss a lot of the info. I hate that!

So why do we have to present in class? I know some people want to be preachers and youth ministers and they probably love to have everyone listening to them. Not me! I do not have a commanding presence. I have a nervous presence. I guess I should just figure that no one really cares, and I think about it way more than I should, but easier said than done. Hopefully I can get back into the practice a little more...just like I need to get into the practice of paying attention in class. My attention span has lessened since I have been out of school. My mind needs some working on.

Who's Excited?!?!

Female Porn

Title got your attention? Ha! Well I am not talking about the typical porn that you think of, or shouldn't think of, but something that can cause just as much pain and trouble. Chick Flicks. That’s right, chick flicks. What could be wrong with an innocent girly love movie? Lots!

I am just as guilty as any other girl but didn't realize it until recently, especially tonight. My roommate gave these movies this name and the truth of it really hit me. While I have no desire to look at pictures of naked men, watching a movie about romance can get to me. It puts thoughts and images in my head that are unrealistic. Thoughts that make me feel undesirable and lonely. Thoughts that turn me into a girl so picky that no one is good enough because they did not say lines like "You complete me," "When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible," ""You have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love and love and love you," or "As you wish."

Instead of focusing on the realities in my life (which are wonderful) I find myself day dreaming about a different one, an exciting one, and a romantic one. This is weird because I do not consider myself a romantic girl, but who doesn't want to be swept off their feet by the man of their dreams. Instead of honoring God with my thoughts I am selfish with them. Instead of trying to be the woman of Proverbs 31 I try to be the women of LOST or Hitch. That is not what God desires for me. That is not what I desire of myself!

So what now? How do I purify my mind of this Hollywood representation of love so that when I see real love I know it or when I see a real "Prince Charming" I don't miss him? I really do not watch that many chick flicks but those thoughts and stories are in my head. What is scary is that some people do not realize this problem. Not saying I am better because I do, but it is so sneaky and so subtle that it is easy to miss. I feel like our society is SO affected by what Hollywood tells us is the way to live (skinny, sexy, witty, etc.) and it makes for so many issues. Especially when I have worked with teens and I think of my sweet girls and the things they watch. They have no idea what harm can come from it. So women, please guard your hearts and minds.

I must admit though, tonight me and 2 awesome friends had a girls night. We had pizza, cheesecake, talked about body images (great food for the topic of course), and watched Becoming Jane. Although I have never read a Jane Austen book I have seen the movies and appreciate the stories. This movie was beautiful, terribly sad and very realistic. It sheds light on why she wrote what she did and makes me really want to read her works. The movie does not have a "Hollywood ending" which makes for a tear jerker but a view of reality when it comes to love.

Oh Happy Day

I need to say that I have a lot running through my head from my few weeks of grad school and I am sure I could "flesh them out" (I HATE that phrase. NASTY!) on my blog for all to read but does anyone really want to read that? Honestly, when I get to someone’s blog that is all theological and junk and don't read it. Boring!!! I want to hear stories from your life or funny poems or yummy recipes. So, I will attempt to keep blogging and theology separate. If you are interested in what I am learning please ask though. It is not a secret!

So, Happy Valentines Day!! The day of love! The most romantic day of the year! Red white and pink are everywhere! And once again, just as my entire life has gone, I am sin un Valentine (without a Valentine in Español). I could be down and wear black and put on my facebook how much I hate this socially constructed (philosophy term, hope I am using it right) holiday to make us spend money, but I will not do that.

I really don’t know anything about the history of this day and my mentor group leader said it is all a myth anyways, but a day for love in nice. Kinda Jesus like. I mean obviously we do not need a day to show others love, we should do that every day, but we should also remember Jesus everyday and I still love Christmas and Easter. So I embrace Valentines! Last night I gladly helped a friend pick out flowers for the girl he is dating. I gave flowers to my roommates. I even made a few cards. They are ugly and look like a 5 year old made them, but they serve their purpose. To show love to those close to me! YEA! I also received a sweet package from my mom and am expecting one from the BFF any day now. How fun is that!

For those out there who hate Valentines, I think that is fine. I had my time of wearing black also. But for the rest of us, just show those you love how much you love them. I mean our economy needs money put back into it I hear, so you can even be politically active. Ha! So jump on board the love boat and have fun! (so corny I know)

Plus today is a Thursday and that means LOST. What more can you ask for?

Updated

I got tired of the pink and green. So now it is blue and green. I dont know how to make it fancy so pretty colors is all I got!

There It Is

I have been wondering if/when this would happen and it hit me this week. I miss Colorado. Things are awesome here in Abilene and I know this is where I am supposed to be, but sometimes I need a little reminding.

I dont know exactly why I started feeling it this week, but it was probably a combination of things. Maybe it was after looking at the pictures of Jeremy and Kelsie having an AWESOME adventure into the mountains. Or maybe it was because I have been stuck inside a lot lately and am getting the itch to do something fun outside, but Abilene is limited. I know some of it is because of my out-of-placeness here.

In CO I had an amazing church that loved me and I had a place with them. I loved my teens and laughing and being a kid with them. Grad school is so adult. I also had a job that was somewhat evangelistic and another job that was totally in the secular world and I was surrounded by non-Christians a lot. And I liked that. I liked hearing about their lives and letting them see the hope of Jesus in mine. I liked seeing all the different people come in and out of Starbucks and getting to spend a few seconds of our lives together. I liked having to work hard at my relationship with God instead of floating by like I am here. I loved walking outside and being overwhelmed by the beauty of nature around me. I liked a lot of things.

But Abilene is good too. I LOVE my teammates and they love me. We have the best times together and have great conversations about God and missions that I could have with no one else. The thing that makes me different from a lot of people, they have it too, and cant explain it either. I get to go to class and learn about God and the Bible and how to better my Christian walk. I get to study the Bible for school. That is way cool. I get to meet new people all the time who have cool stories and we have Jesus in common. I liked being challenged even if it is frustrating.

All this to say I miss Colorado and cannot wait for spring break, but I need to be in Abilene. Since I need to be in Abilene I need to focus on the positives and not what I am missing out on. I am good at that.

Proud Moment

I have to brag for a second. I just finished my first grad school paper and I think it is pretty good. The best part is that it is not due until Friday. Go me! I am so on top of things! Mainly I am finished because I have another paper due the same day that is even longer and I have not started it yet. But it is a momentous occasion and I needed to share! Thanks!

A Year Gone By

I have been writing this blog for a little over a year now. I had forgotten but was reminded tonight while watching the superbowl and remembering where I was last year. I was at home in Houston in pain after knee surgery, watching the game with my friend Randi. I just looked back over my beginning posts and had a little time of reminescing. Not exactly the best time in my life but it was memorable.

I can't believe it has been a year. So much has happened. First of all, my knee is doing much better. It is still not fully healed and my never be, but to the eyes of most people I am fine. My scars are still fading and strangely I still have a bit of a bruise on the back of my knee but they are all little reminders of that awful day last December.

It's amazing how much a somewhat major injury can change you. My life is still awesome and I can do most things I want, but a day does not go by that I dont think about my knee. There is always a pop or a pull or a buckle that reminds me that I am still not the same. Oh, and I have never fully regained feeling in my leg where they numbed me. All the Dr. says is "give it time." All of this reminds me to be careful and not push myself, when before there was nothing stopping me. Want to jump out of an airplane? Sure! Want go to rock climbing? Totally! Want to run another half marathon? I'm there! But not anymore. I am much more careful with my body now and probably always will be. I decided after my surgery that I would rather die in an accident then have to recover from something major. And since I don't want to die I will just limit my risk-taking activities to a minimum. I still have a blast, do awesome things and hardly even notice that my life has changed. But it has and I am thankful for the lessons learned.

A year ago I do not think I would have known I would be in grad school now. Nope, I would have seen myself still in Colorado. As much as I miss CO and as intimidating as grad school is I am so happy and thankful to be here. I am having an awesome time with my teammates, learning a lot and planning exciting things for my future. Some of it scary, but exciting and hopefully following God's will. Cant wait to see what the next year of blogging brings. Keep reading!!!

Here are some cute pictures of my team.

Top left: Jeremy Tatum, Sara Lukkason, Chad Lukkason, Ellen Shutt, Wes Shutt Reid Overall, Me, Lauren Sutton

We are good at being silly!

Breakfast + Home church in pajamas = best Sunday ever