I hate speaking in front of people. I am not good at it and it makes me so nervous. I have been reminded of this over the past few days. Tuesday I had to read a paper I had written in front of our class and I was a mess. I will not go into details but it has not been a fun week. Then, in my class today a few people got up and presented on their research papers and I got hot, my breathing sped up, I had butterflies and got nervous just watching them, knowing I was coming up soon. What is wrong with me! Probably when I go I will write down every word I am going to say and just read it. I am sure the class will be bored to tears but it is not for a grade so I don't really care.

I am somewhat out of practice of public speaking and that does not help. When I was in high school and college I put my self in positions to do this kind of stuff so that I could get better. I never got over the fear but I did get better. But now it has been so long, that the fear is back. I have done some Bible studies in the past year but even that made me nervous. And even if my information is good during these times my presentation is boring. Bleh!

Whats funny is I don't really even like telling a story in front of a group of my friends. I am fine with one or two, but more than that and even if the story is funny, my telling is not. I fumble my words, forget what comes next and go through it so fast that I miss a lot of the info. I hate that!

So why do we have to present in class? I know some people want to be preachers and youth ministers and they probably love to have everyone listening to them. Not me! I do not have a commanding presence. I have a nervous presence. I guess I should just figure that no one really cares, and I think about it way more than I should, but easier said than done. Hopefully I can get back into the practice a little more...just like I need to get into the practice of paying attention in class. My attention span has lessened since I have been out of school. My mind needs some working on.